Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. I sometimes wonder what really ignites my inner strength... sometimes there are some days I feel as though I just don’t have that one more push and or fight in me... sometimes there are days that I feel like life is sucking me bone dry but in those days I always know that giving up is not an option, (don’t worry saints I pray-prayer is my lively regiment) but in this note I just want to be transparent, I can tell you that some of the things that keep me going in life is believing in my heart that the more tougher it gets the more closer I am to God (as crazy as it sounds) for instance, my writing seasons are usually at an all-time peak between the months of January through July and for some reason these have always been my most productive months for the last 5 years and this time around I am working on my 3rd fiction novel which is very deep, very dear and very emotional to me however I am excited very much about it as I connect with my characters my debilitating head-aches came to visit me, now mind you they usually happen once every other year in the fall so this time it’s an early arrival, they are enough to become a show stopper in my moments work but I realized something this time around... just because life wants to stop you dead in your tracks with its spontaneous inconveniences doesn't mean you have to stop for life to have its way, now I am to the point where I am just going to work around it, through it and past it to finish what I started because like all else...this too shall come to pass, sure it feels awkward trailing an oxygen tank around and constantly relying on it to alleviate my head aches but it could be worse, my condition is not chronic, it’s always temporary and I thank God that I am very much alive, I write this candidly to you so that you understand that, “life happens” and just because “life happens” doesn't mean YOU have to stop happening, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel the question is, “how long is your tunnel?” ;-) now on another note bad life moments make for future memory giggles and besides its always a time to draw closer to God. Be Blessed! XOXOXO “Strength is the ability to dig deep down inside to the core of your body and use all the resources (Holy Spirit) from within to survive one more try, one more hope, one more prayer and one more faith to keep living.” -Memory Bengesa
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"To know that I have lived this earth and not helped anyone will be uncomfortable for my mind to comprehend and for my stomach to digest, I can’t sit here and hope that relief reaches all of humanity without my ten fingers and ten toes ever aiding, my heart is heavy my mind is deeply-deeply troubled by poverty, I am no better nor less than those without, we are both humanly the same and yet I just happen to have some resources that have succored to my lifestyle but like some I may be just a paycheck away from struggling, if it means that I will spend the rest of my life helping someone cross over from the threshold of no sources in poverty to resources from poverty then consider my purpose through Christ complete." Memory Bengesa I woke up bright and early as I’ve trained my body to do...after my morning spiritual regiment I typically tend to head out the door with my gym bag in one hand and car keys in the other hand... on this particular day I walked outside the house and turned around to lock the door and walked towards my car and as I walked towards my car I couldn’t help but notice the chill that was in the air and mind you I usually glance through my weather phone application just to make sure I am dressed accordingly to the circumstances and demand of the unpredictability of the weather, but! However on this one particular day I did not check the weather update as I felt that we were now well off in the midst of the warm arms of spring so when I approached my vehicle I told myself; “It’s not that cold.” As I uttered those words I was taken aback by the cold mist coming out of my mouth... my self-affirmation to keeping my mental state deceived at the current situation was quickly robbed by the few breaths of cold air and once I opened my car door I threw my bag in the back seat and started my car immediately all the while rubbing my hands together... convinced that my heater was not automatically going to pump out warm air I then opened my car trunk and grabbed a readily available sweater in which I wore right there and then and I went back into the driver’s seat and waited for a mere two minutes while rubbing my hands together and rocking back and forth while in quandary of the season. I know we crossed over the threshold of winter and the last time I checked this is spring (as I thought out loudly) I mean how can you fault me after all we have been basking in the warmth of 75-85 degree weather? (I should know better) but needless to say...I wasn’t thoroughly surprised at the change of weather but more-so the ambiguity of drastic changes from minute to minute, hour to hour and day to day. The sudden weather change reminded me of the ambiguity of life’s seasons... we are governed by the calendar and in some places (depending in the state you reside in and so forth) by the seasons... where I live we “supposedly” have all four seasons; Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall and because this is what we have it doesn’t mean that the weather stays consistent within the seasons (it just means that this is what is available to us during the year if you ask me...) so as the seasons come upon us the weather can have its own mind – one that will not necessarily align with the season and in such cases what does one do in such a predicament? (I am glad you asked) over the years in my car trunk I keep an umbrella, snow boots, a tank top, a sweater and flip flops (hey you never know...one day I might catch all four seasons in one day-right?) After learning the hard way I decided to be as prepared as I could possibly be. My Beloved sister, life demands a fair amount of balance and a less amount of self-expectations (you read right) because reality is; you can make all the expectations you want in life but what good are they if you can not live up them? Most times we overly expect out of life what life doesn’t expect out of us (have I lost you-yet?) Here is the thing... (hashtag this) as a Christian woman, your life is governed by your relationship with God and So many times in life I used to get caught off guard by the uncertainty of life’s season due to my own failure of maintaining a spiritual balance first... I wanted my expectations of my personal goals and plans to be fulfilled the way I planned, and yet when that moment came about and I was nowhere close to the fulfillment of the deadline then I would either find myself overwhelmed and/or disappointed (for a lack of a better word) sure I prayed, I talked to God about my plans and goals but what I didn’t do was respect the fact that God was in absolute control... sometimes you can feel as though you were off to a good start on that ministerial project when all of a sudden life’s forecast throws you a curve ball or perhaps you were two steps away from closing on that ultimate deal when life’s forecast slows or pauses the deal from happening or perhaps you are one semester away from obtaining that much needed degree and of a sudden you can’t come up with enough tuition to pay for that last stroll of college or perhaps your business idea is great and loved by many but the banks can’t give you the financing you need or perhaps you married the man that was brought into your life by God and now life’s forecast is testing your union just remember no matter what self-expectations you have for yourself life is going to shift your season whether or not you are prepared rather its how you deal with that seasons sift that produces great fruit so understand that all you can do for the ambiguity of life’s’ season is to always stay as prepared as you can possibly be in God and in the midst of a holt, drag or unpredictable forecast in the season just make sure you completely turn all your focus to God. There used to be a time where I didn’t understand... I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do but it was then I realized that even though I am doing what He wants me to do I have to take time and continually focus in Him, on Him and with Him because as life is we can tend to be self-absorbed that God can be easily forgotten in the midst even of fulfilling ministry (ministry being anything and everything to do with God) so in the time of unpredictable life happenings make sure you zoom in and focus on God... It’s been so many times now that no matter what I am doing heather it is deadlines or not if I get stuck I literally stop and earnestly seek God I personally tend to exercise a fast and prayer regiment and whatever it is I continue after I’ve sought God with clarity because It creates less frustration and makes for more understanding and comfort... I know if you are like most you’re thinking; “I pray every day but I am stuck.” That is fine too but understand that God is always desiring a greater closeness than we tend to give Him. “The ambiguity of life’s season ought to draw you closer to God than ever before.” Memory Bengesa, Author Memory is a Zimbabwean-born Author of “Born Again Afresh: How Struggling Christians can get back on track,” a Christian Inspirational book that provides a fresh outlook on how everyone can reactivate their connection with their Creator regardless of where they are in the spiritual life. “Born Again Afresh” can be purchased in E-books, Barnes and Noble.com and on line at over 25,000 book retailers by Googling the name of the book and or ordering you copy from authorhouse.com Article Published by http://quintessential-f.com/godly-advice-and-testimonies-of-faith/the-ambiguity-of-lifes-seasons-by-memory-bengesa/ |